As soon as the child is born, a mother is born too. Parenting is a beautiful journey for any new mother but there are challenges associated with the immense pleasures of motherhood. With every new milestone that the child achieves, the mother also gains a new experience along with her child. Starting a new school or daycare while going through the separation anxiety is one of those significant milestones that both mom and child deal in their own ways. 

The research in child psychology often talks about separation anxiety in children but there is a paucity of scientific studies about what mothers can do to help themselves. Basis on the available literature in this direction, here is a five-point approach that first time mothers can adopt to overcome separation anxiety from their child.

1. FIND TO MATCH  

If your child has never entered a day-care or pre/school before, please be very cautious in finding the right kind of services for your child. Take a piece of paper and write down your “must haves” before selecting the school of your child. This clarity in your non-negotiables will play a crucial role when you start the school actually. Young children and new moms always need help, more than ever, in adjusting to new beginning especially after the disruption through pandemic. Parents’ anxiety levels are found to be lower if their well-laid requirements are offered by the schools they choose for their child.

2. NAME TO TAME 

To begin with, parents need to be aware of the fact that starting school after a long break or joining a new school can be very stressful not only for children but also for parents. Not only knowing and naming, accepting the real emotions related to separation is equally important for a parent. When a mother accepts that it is natural to feel anxious about staying away from your child- that is when she can work to combat anxiety and stress. 

3. TALK TO EASE 

Studies often suggest that to support and prepare children in terms of school readiness, parents need to talk to children and school as much as possible. Having honest and open dialogues about how things will change after starting a new school will give predictability to a child’s mind. Most mothers do adopt this measure in hope to prepare the child but very few of them know that unknowingly, they are preparing themselves as well in this process. Yes! It is a win-win situation for both. Frequent visits to school, having an open communication channel with school and long discussions within family or friends about this new beginning are some of those measures that have helped many first time mothers across globe to fight the anxiety.

4. TRUST TO SUSTAIN

Parents have immense powers of transmitting emotions to their children without uttering a single word. Therefore, they need to build positivity in their own self by trusting the school authorities. Studies highlight that the children of parents who entrusted schools’ safety procedures were found to have less stress levels and seamless settlement in school. Moreover, separation anxiety may come back in moms who seem to be well settled in beginning. This kind of trust in school will help them in sustaining the pressures of dealing with tough emotions in long run as well.

5. ROUTINE TO RESCUE

Following a routine that matches school hours is a wonderful way to prepare family. This will not only result in adjustment of biological clock of children but will also prepare them psychologically to stay alert and active. A well settled child works wonders in taking mom away from her separation anxiety. The loud cries of children at drop off times found to be contributing in increasing cortisol (stress hormones) among new mommies. So, focus on providing a sustainable and positive experience for your child at school. This will eventually lead to positivity in you and one fine day, you will start enjoying your “Me time” after dropping your child to a safe, trusted and secure place.

The author is a child psychologist who is working for training, inclusion and parent partnership initiatives at KLAY preschools and day-care as consultant. She is also working with children and families of various countries from last two decades as psychologist

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